CAPSA

So, I got a job giving financial counseling to the local domestic violence and rape victims going through the Transitional Housing program. It didn't last long but the training I attended was. . . .enlightening. I sat through four days of intense lectures and videos on rape and domestic violence. There are some pretty sick people out there. Anyway, as I listened to the lecturers and other volunteers' questions and comments, Ephesians 4:11-14 kept running through my mind.
"Doctrine" is often a tool abusers use to control or silence their victims, or even rationalize that it is ok. Eg: Elizabeth Smart. Now, obviously the "doctrine" is taken out of context, corrupted or just plain satanic. However, because of the naivity and/or lack of spiritual/scriptual knowledge, the victim "falls for it" for lack of a better word. I don't know what particular doctine is used, but I do know that "turning the other cheek" or "being Christian" doesn't mean being a push over, a sucker, weak, or defenseless. Christ had an absolute throw down, twice!, when something sacred was being corrupted (John 2:13-16). The prince of peace, said, "But whoso shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea." Matt 18:6. He also said in reference to the priesthood, ". . . . when we undertake to cover our sins, or to gratify our pride, our vain ambition, or to exercise control or dominion or compulsion upon the souls of the children of men, in any degree of unrighteousness, behold, the heavens withdraw themselves; the Spirit of the Lord is grieved; and when it is withdrawn, Amen to the priesthood or the authority of that man." D&C 121:37

I can go on and on about how evil rapist, batterers, and abusers are, especially when their victims are children, but I can't change them. Note: I did not say they can not control themselves. I pray we catch them early and that our judicial system will be wise. I loath pornography and anything that distorts and corrupts the roles and value of either gender. That includes stupid chick romance novels and feminism, but that is another soap box. So I focus on what I can do; what my friends can do to solve the problem. There are two ways bad people gain control: bad people forcing and good people standing by.

"Victims" have a part in avoiding abuse. Note: I did not say it was their fault, that they deserved or want to get beat or raped. I just mean they made choices that put them in such a vulnerable situations. (This does not apply to children because they don't really have true agency or understanding.) We have a responsibility to seak after and know truth. That way, we won't be "tossed to and fro, and caried about with every wind of doctine, by the sleight of men, and cunning craftiness, whereby they lie in wait to deceive."
We need to make better choices in who, when, where and why we date. We need to be aware of our clothing, time of activities, personal information that we make public (facebook, texting, phone, etc). This does not certain behaviors and dress make you scum, it means they will probably attract it. Take a Rape Aggression Defense class so you know how to properly kick some ass. Make and keep good friends, participate in good, clean fun, develop healthy diet, exercise, and hygiene. Have hobbies and goals.You have to do those things that keep you in control of your life and full of happiness. If you have made poor choices, fix it! Stop it!

We also need to really teach the doctrine to our children. Even if they aren't being fed a bunch of false doctrine, Truth can help them shout no, tell someone, fight back. 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 5 boys will be sexually abused before they are 18. That is only sexual abuse, not physical. And, if the mother was abused, her daughters are 50% more likely to be. That sucks! These statistics have been quoted for years and years and the best explanation I can come up with is we are creating generational abusers and victims. We are not arming ourselves enough. FYI: Day care is not the most dangerous place for children. Their home is. 60%+ of sexual abuse happens at sleep overs (friends, brothers, fathers, family friends, etc). Women are the number one killer of children. Yes, we do need to be VERY mindful of who we leave our children with. But we especially need to have our eyes "wider" when choosing who we date, who we marry, and who we invite into our home.

In the training I was in, one of the volunteers shared her experience in trying to teach her children. She started warning them of pornagraphy at age 5, talked about "good touch, bad touch," etc. One time they were at families' house and all the children were playing over the hill. Soon her children came screeming over the hill with fists full of porn. Appearantly there was a neighborhood porn cave and her children weren't going to have any of it. Yeah! Well, a few years later, she had a nephew (if I can remember right) over and while she was folding laundry (10 minutes top), the nephew got her daughter. And they were in the very next room. She had done everything right! And her daughter still got raped. The therapist explained it that when someone desides to abuse, they will do it, and they just need a window of opportunity.

This was pretty discouraging. This mom had done everything right. So, does this mean I need to completely shut my kids off from the world!? I just concluded that if something happens to my child(ren), it won't be because I didn't put up a hell of a fight. I found more hope when a friend told me her mom picked her up unexpectedly from a sleepover before the night had even really begun. My friend was so embarrassed and angry but her mom just told her she did not feel right about it. It soon came out that the father of the home got into bed with the girls that night and abused them. Heavenly Father loves his babies! And that mother didn't shrug off or rationalize a gut feeling. We need to be doing everything we can to have all of His aid. We need to study doctrine, not just to have the scriptural knowledge, but to have the Spirit to teach us when what we need to know has never been written down. As parents it is sooooo important to be aware and never second guess any promptings or gut feelings.